


Doomed to begin with

by whatwouldvoldydo



Category: Finishing School - Gail Carriger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, F/M, Loss, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 21:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14197602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatwouldvoldydo/pseuds/whatwouldvoldydo
Summary: At the end of the day, she supposed they were doomed to begin with...





	Doomed to begin with

“Perhaps we were doomed to begin with”, Sophronia thought to herself, staring at the startlingly white letter that nearly blended in with the gloved hands she was holding it in. The task given to her in that very letter was quite unmistakable, it had been the first time and even though she had read it what felt like a thousand times, desperate to find an error in her decryption, it was still bright as day to her. Hours earlier, in the early hours of the morning, she had received the letter via a clear courier of her employers and taken to figure out the code. It hadn’t been a difficult code, taking her only a quarter of an hour to understand. However, despite its easiness as soon as she had understood she had been hit with the unfamiliar sensation of being mistaken. Because she had to be mistaken. As a matter of fact, as the day passed with her re- and rereading the letter again and again, breaking every rule of espionage by not destroying the evidence immediately, she wished to be mistaken. She begged to be wrong. She _needed_ to be wrong. But, even now in the late afternoon, as she read through the letter one last time, the fact remained. Sophronia was an excellent intelligencer and never was wrong in decrypting a message. The only thing that changed was that she was forced to accept it.

From that point on, a strange force took over. She supposed it was the persona she had created in years of training for and work as an intelligencer and assassin. It was the part of her that was more like a mechanical than an actual human being, that took over. The assassin took a match to light the letter on fire watching as it disintegrated and then dissolved the ashes in a chemical solution, making sure that the incriminating evidence would never be found. The assassin changed into evening attire, picking a dark green silk that pointed out her eyes and she knew her husband would appreciate without it being inappropriate for a weekday dinner. It was the assassin who informed the cook that this very night they would have the macaroons with raspberries and whipped cream that she had in actuality had brought over for her husband’s birthday. It was the assassin who put a few drops of poison on the dessert.

But, when Felix entered their home, the assassin was gone, and Sophronia was back, refusing to let this cold, mechanical side of her have this evening. Years of training nearly weren’t enough to keep her from crying bitter tears as Felix’ face lit up when he saw her standing there, putting his top hat and coat aside. Those years of experience only merely stopped her from giving away what was about to happen by kissing him too desperately, too longingly. Instead she savoured every moment of that sweet loving this kiss and she didn’t complain about Felix’ lips being too rough from being out in the cold winter air. They didn’t even feel rough. They felt comfortable and welcoming and loving. Felix tasted like home and she stored that memory away carefully. Sitting down for dinner at opposite ends of their smaller private table seemed so normal on that evening. She chuckled at Felix’ jokes as always, although it broke her heart and she watched him pout over the brussels sprouts they had as a side, promising him that tomorrow they would have another vegetable that he would like better. When their butler broke out the dessert, she couldn’t help but smile a broken smile at Felix’ delight. After all, he did love macaroons and yet she rarely let him have them, because of how easy it was to hide the most gruesome of poisons in it. She had meticulously tested that they were good to eat and yet now it was _her_ who had poisoned them.

Together with her husband she enjoyed her dessert, knowing full well that had taken an antidote just before that would leave her feeling nauseous for a bit, but no more. As she was wishing that she hadn’t taken the antidote and she could just die together with her husband, she watched him be hit by the realisation, shortly after finishing the dessert. She wasn’t sure what tipped her off, maybe the poison was working faster than anticipated, or maybe the tears that were now falling had started much earlier than she had realised. But there was no accusation in Felix’ eyes, no disappointment, although she was internally begging him to curse the very ground she stood on. The only thing she saw in his eyes was mild surprise and love. “I always knew you would be my demise, my love”, he gasped, a silly smile spreading over his face that was quickly distorted by a flinch due to the poison. At that, nothing could hold her back and she got off her chair, charging to Felix’ side. “I am so sorry”, she sobbed, helping him off the chair and lying him down on the floor, because she knew he couldn’t hold himself up. The assassin was far away leaving her alone to crumble, to fall to pieces, to break apart. “Now don’t forget to call the butler for help, Ria, my dove, or they might think it was you who poisoned me”, Felix replied, shaking like a leave.

She screamed for the butler, shouted for him to bring her antidotes with him and it wasn’t for looks. She was going to save Felix. If the butler was fast enough, she could give Felix the antidote in time and then they would take off to the continent to hide away. She would figure something out. “I love you, Ria”, Felix gasped, still shaking and getting her back into the moment. “I love you too, Felix, more than you could ever know”, she sobbed back, glancing at door, willing the butler to appear right next to her, “I never wanted it to end like this”. “Oh, my darling”, he whispered as she cradled him in her arms, rationally understanding that he was beyond saving, “We were doomed to begin with”. He didn’t die after those words, but he closed his eyes, succumbing to the pain and waiting for it to end. She ignored the butler running to her side, knowing full well that her antidotes were useless. She even managed to ignore the assassin, who was content knowing she had succeeded, because of her long-spread rumour of regularly taking the antidote against cyanide out of an irrational fear of getting poisoned. Sophronia was busy knowing that she had lost. She had lost the love her life. And she cried over that loss like she never had cried before.

But as her husband was put to an early grave a few days later and the tears started falling once again, she realised that it was a wonder they had managed to stay together and alive this long. Years without their respective businesses interfering, years spent always staying a step ahead, years of fooling themselves into winning while they were actually only postponing the inevitable. They had lived so long under the illusion that they had won that they forgot what was always written on their love in bold letters for the world to see. They were doomed to begin with.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little one-shot I wrote after finishing the finishing school series for the first time. Hope you guys enjoy it.


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